


Something So Precious About This

by esmereldagrace



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-05
Updated: 2014-09-05
Packaged: 2018-02-16 07:07:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2260524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esmereldagrace/pseuds/esmereldagrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Luke, what's going on?" pleaded Reid.</p><p>Fuck his mood. He was done bottling everything up now.</p><p>He met Reid's steady gaze and prepared himself as well as he could for the answers he was dreading. "You didn't need to do this," he finally got out.</p><p>Reid moved closer despite himself, baffled. "Do what?"</p><p>"If you didn't want to be with me, you should've told me. I would've left you if you weren't happy with me--I would've left without a fight."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something So Precious About This

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I wrote a while back but re-edited heavily to be posted over here! Thanks to [loveandallthat](http://archiveofourown.org/users/loveandallthat) who prompted the word, 'mouth', on Tumblr which then led to this ridiculous fic.
> 
> I promise you there is a happy ending here, sad endings are a no no for me.
> 
> This is un-betaed so all mistakes that you may find are mine. Title of the fic comes from the wonderful Hozier from the beautiful song ['From Eden'.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcHOxhGNq3g)
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy! Kudos and/or comments are very welcome if deserved. ♥

No.

Luke couldn’t believe it. He didn’t _want_ to believe it.

But the evidence had proven otherwise. That niggling feeling that had wormed it's way under his skin and had stolen his sleep for the past two weeks, and even last night, had confirmed his doubts.

Shutting the car door, Luke tightened his jacket around him, wanting to ward off the chill in the air. It was late evening but the last dregs of summer had now withered away, fall having started to make itself known. He forced his eyes wide open to keep himself awake and made his way down the path to his apartment block. He didn’t know what he’d find on the other side of the door, but if the dozens of texts and voicemails were anything to go by, he was going to find a very livid Reid to deal with.

With a deep breath, Luke steeled himself to be thrown a barrage of questions and slid his key in the lock, walking into the lion’s den.

Reid was sat on the couch, head in his hands, looking at the rug beneath his feet. But as soon as Luke had set foot inside their apartment, his head had snapped up, eyes filled with worry and fear.

And yup, just as expected, a ton of anger.

“Where the fuck have you been?” he hissed, getting to his feet and striding over to him.

Luke had lost all his energy, all the urge to fight. Putting his keys back in his jacket pocket, he avoided Reid’s gaze, trying not to notice his frazzled hair and the darkness under his eyes. “I went for a drive.”

“A drive?”

“Yes, a drive. Is that illegal?” he snapped back, his anger rising to the surface faster than he'd expected.

Reid was visibly taken aback, eyebrows flying upwards. “Luke.”

Luke swallowed hard around the lump in his throat, his anger ebbing away, now only feeling resigned. “I need to sleep, I’m going to bed.”

Reid stood in his way, arm held out to stop him. "No, wait--you're not going anywhere. Why didn't you answer any of my calls or messages? You've been gone since late last night, it's been over twenty hours, Luke and you didn't tell anyone. Do you think I'm just going to let you go without an explanation? Do you even know how worried I've been?"

"Didn't think it was necessary to tell anyone."

"Not even me?"

"No." Luke tried to ignore the hurt look on Reid's face and took a step back. Face impassive. "Now, can I go to bed or am I going to be subjected to more of your questions?”

“ _Subjected_?” Reid shook his head, distraught, eyes pleading for an answer. “I can’t ask you where you’ve been or why you left?” Luke could see that Reid was hesitating to touch him, to reassure him, so unsure around him for the first time in a long time and his heart ached for him.

But Luke blew out a breath and shrugged, folding in on himself and feeling utterly guilty for acting the way he was. “I needed time to think.”

“About what?”

He wasn't sure there was anything he wanted to say to Reid. He wanted to sleep, get his thoughts together and explain everything later, when he didn't feel so out of sorts. But he knew in his heart of hearts that that was stupid idea and he wasn’t the kind of guy to avoid confrontation this way. However, right now? He wasn’t in the mood to talk about anything.

"Luke, what's going on?" pleaded Reid.

Fuck his mood. He was done bottling everything up now.

He met Reid's steady gaze and prepared himself as well as he could for the answers he was dreading. "You didn't need to do this," he finally got out.

Reid moved closer despite himself, baffled. "Do what?"

"If you didn't want to be with me, you should've told me. I would've left you if you weren't happy with me--I would've left without a fight."

Tears were threatening to fall and Luke tried so hard to hold them back, but he was close to the edge now. Only anger and despair had fuelled his sudden departure the day earlier because he didn't know what he would've done if he'd stayed there any longer but now, his emotions were getting the better of him. It didn't help that Reid was looking more and more confused by the second.

"W-what are you talking about?" he asked, shock evident in his eyes. "Why would I ever want to break up with you?"

"I haven't seen you in days," Luke interjected, voice breaking, words that had been hidden away for days spilling over. "You've been distant and quiet and secretive so I didn't know what to think. We haven't had sex in a _month_ , Reid--not even some time alone with just the two of us. And I didn't think the worst yet because I believed that you wouldn't do it, but after yesterday, I don't know what to believe anymore."

Luke could see the cogs in Reid's mind turning, trying to piece together the bits of information he had coming at him. He'd thought that Reid had been stressed out and tired which was why he'd been so distant. Sex had been off of the table and their weekly date nights on Fridays had disappeared from their schedule altogether as Reid's paperwork had doubled, and consequently, he would get home so tired that he didn't want to go anywhere.

Ever since Reid had become Chief of Staff, his responsibilities had become a weight that neither of them could bear and even though Luke was proud and happy for him, the job was stealing Reid away from him. He felt petty and stupidly jealous but he couldn't help it. He missed him. But he did know that the blame did not lie solely with Reid. Whenever they'd found some time together, a precious few hours, Luke had been called away on a family emergency or a work emergency that couldn't be avoided.

It hadn't helped that Luke was the first to blast Reid for missing a party or chide him for forgetting other important events that needed the both of them there. Luke had thought he'd been understanding but not understanding enough, no wonder Reid had grown tired of him, no wonder he didn't want him anymore, no wonder he might've wanted to find comfort in someone who wasn't such a mess.

Luke couldn't even remember the last time they'd even laughed together. What did that say about them?

Reid hadn't said a word yet, still processing, and so Luke filled the silence.

"I saw you, with him--at the Lakeview," a tear rolled down his cheek and he swiped it away, "you said you'd be late for dinner because you had a meeting, but I saw you go into a hotel room with the guy and you were laughing and you looked so relaxed and happy, Reid."

Face wet, tears were falling freely now. "I'd seen him around the hospital, coming out of your office when I came to see you, but I didn't think anything of it, because I don't know what goes on there." Luke scrubbed at his face in frustration, words failing him because there were moments of doubt he couldn't verbalise.

Reid's mouth open and closed, his own eyes wet as words failed him, until a pained scoff filled the air. "You think I'm cheating on you?"

 _God_.

Reid's voice sounded so hurt and pained that Luke couldn't bear to look at him anymore and turned to look at the ground instead, twisting his fingers together, silence ringing through the air.

"I don't know," he confessed, "that's why I had to get away. I needed to believe that it wasn't true but my mind keeps replaying everything over and over and over and I want to tear my heart out because thinking that you might be hurts too much."

Reid had turned away from him now, hands on the back of his head, fingers gripping his hair tight as if he was trying to hold himself together and Luke swallowed hard around the lump in his throat, taking a breath before he spoke again, hoping his voice didn't sound as weak and tired as he felt.

"We've been fighting a lot lately, I think you've noticed. And I've been an asshole, a jerk--complaining that you don't come home on time, don't spend the weekends at home. I moan, I keep picking arguments with you and I whine and god, I am so stubborn. I've been dealing with my family's problems and stupid work stuff so you can blame me, too--if you want to move on--I get it...if he's a better--"

"No! Shut up, Luke--stop!"

Luke flinched at the fury in his tone, closing his eyes tightly, waiting and hoping he'd gotten everything wrong, that he was overreacting, that everything he'd seen was a figment of his imagination.

"You're a jerk, Luke, I agree. You're all of the things you think you are."

Luke didn't dare open his eyes yet, still waiting. But it wasn't until he felt Reid's hand smooth down his arm and tangle his fingers through his and tugging on his hand, that he opened his eyes to see Reid, face not giving anything away.

"Come and sit down, come on," he urged softly, "You look dead on your feet."

Numbly, Luke let Reid guide him to the couch, sitting him down but not letting go of his hand, warm and perfect in his. Luke didn't know what to expect or what to feel.

This was over, wasn't it? That was the only thought swirling through his mind.

"I'm going to make one thing clear and make sure that you understand this," Reid told him, voice clear and devoid of rage, but firm. "I am not cheating on you, I never would and I never will."

A squeeze to his hand made him meet Reid's eyes and Luke knew, _he knew_ that Reid wasn't lying. But that didn't quell the panic he was feeling now because fuck. _Fuck_. He'd doubted Reid and their relationship and now Reid wasn't ever going to trust him anymore. How could he? Reid probably hates him. He hated  _himself_.

"My parents had a couple of properties in their name which became mine when they died," Reid continued quietly but kept his gaze locked with his. "I sold what I didn't need or want when I was old enough, all but one. It's a house, five minutes away from the beach in Encinitas, California. And the man that you saw, tall, dark hair, green eyes with the leather jacket?”

Luke nodded minutely remembering exactly that. The man also had some harsh stubble and he looked young, not that much older than himself.

Reid's mouth twitched with a small smile. "He's the architect I hired to renovate the house, nothing more and nothing less. We’ve been meeting at the hospital when I’ve had time and when he's been passing through town. Yesterday he’d left some of his plans in his hotel room, but I knew I had to get home to you for dinner, so I saved him the hassle of bringing them down to the hospital and went up with him. I shouldn't have listened to Katie when she said I shouldn't tell you. When I told her I was renovating the house for you, for us, she insisted I keep it a surprise. I’m so sorry, that was a bad move on my part. Look at what one little secret did to us."

Luke was frozen where he sat, heart thudding dully against his chest, panic creeping in and turning his skin inside out. Everything he thought and believed had been wrong, so utterly wrong. He'd fucked this up, just because he didn't ask and because he'd assumed the worst. Reid was doing something for him, something for them, to make them happy.

Oh God.

He snatched his hand away from Reid and buried his head into his own hands, elbows on his knees, resisting the urge to groan out loud. This was over now, wasn't it?

"Oh my God," he breathed. "I am an idiot, I really am."

He felt a gentle hand on the nape of his neck, thumb rubbing softly over the skin behind his ear. Luke felt him shuffle closer, arm curling around his waist, a pair of soft lips pressing to his hair, "You are, but I can deal with it."

Luke inhaled, breath shuddering as fresh tears sprang from his eyes. He faced Reid, ashamed and sad and angry at himself. "I am _so_ sorry," he whispered.

Reid smiled softly whilst shaking his head, reaching out with his other hand to brush away the tears off of Luke's face. "It's okay, I shouldn't have lied to you in the first place. I'm sorry, too."

"It's not," Luke insisted, shaking his head, "how can it be okay?”

“Fine, it’s not okay,” Reid said with a wry smile, sitting back against the couch more comfortably. “Is that what you want to hear?”

“Yes!" Luke exploded, heart racing with fear and anxiety and anger at himself. "Tell me how much you hate me for thinking you would ever betray me. Tell me how much of an idiot I am to have ruined everything between us because I’m an insecure jerk.” He wiped a hand over his face and took a breath, sure that he looked terrible after all the crying and sleeplessness but Reid was sat right next to him, still close, gazing at him lovingly.

“Why aren’t you angry at me?” he had to ask, voice becoming a whisper.

Reid didn’t say anything for a long moment, shifting his body away from him, leaving him feeling bereft, and scratched at his nose, a nervous tic of his. But all Luke could think was the worst, that Reid was thinking about all the ways to break the bad news to him.

“I am angry," Reid admitted quietly, hand dropping to rub idly at his own thigh, "but more than angry, I’m upset. I’m sad that you didn’t trust me enough to talk to me. Instead, you ran away without giving me a chance to explain." He then smiled wryly, sighing sadly. "We've both made mistakes here, Luke and we both need to fix this. I guess this is the rough patch people talk about.”

Luke couldn’t help a small laugh at that, “Yeah, my Mom warned me about it.”

Luke could almost hear Reid roll his eyes. “Your Mom has had several hundred rough patches with several different men in the four years we’ve been together, we’re pretty solid compared to her.”

Offended just a little, Luke punched at Reid’s thigh. “Stop it.”

“What?" Reid cracked a genuine smile this time and the death grip around Luke's heart eased. "It’s the truth--you can’t deny that. I haven't been able to keep up with her love life and don't ever want to. Would be kinda weird, right?”

Luke rolled his own eyes and gave into another laugh, his tension from minutes ago eased even further. Body and heart feeling lighter with the knowledge that things weren’t as bad as he thought they were. They both lapsed into a comfortable silence that only lasted a moment because there were things that needed to be said, air that needed to be cleared if they were ever to fix things between them.

“I have to be honest,” Luke spoke up softly, catching Reid's gaze. “Ever since we’ve gotten together, I’ve been waking up every day wondering why you’re with me. I’ve been waiting for you to realise that I’m not worth this, especially lately. I am _so_ sorry for doubting you and if you can’t forgive me, I understand,” he paused, quirking a small sad smile. "The funny thing is, is that I trust you, but I don’t trust myself. I feel like I'm finding ways to push you away even though I don't want to. But more than anything, I’m scared that one day you’re going to realise that you’re with this hot mess of a person and walk away and I don’t think I could take that.”

Reid looked visibly upset at what he'd confessed. “You really think all of that?”

“I do,” Luke huffed a laugh, “and if I’d just asked you about that man instead of assuming things, I wouldn’t be freaking out about the fact that you probably don't want me anymore.”

“Idiot,” Reid murmured, lifting a hand and brushing his fingers over his cheek. Luke leaned into the touch and Reid complied, holding his face and smoothing a thumb over the apple of his cheek. “Firstly, I want to make sure you understand this, I love you and because I do, there's nothing to forgive. Secondly, you know, all you had to do was open that mouth of yours and just ask me what was going on. I wouldn't have lied to you.”

Luke’s eyes were wet again and he nodded, because Reid was right.

“So, next time before you assume things, talk to me first. If there’s no trust between us, then this," he said, waggling a finger between them, "isn’t going to last much longer and I don’t want that. I want the whole enchilada--especially since I’ve put myself out there and fallen in love with you. I’ve invested too much to let go now...I'm not going to lose you, you hear me?”

A smile curved at the corner of Luke’s lips at the memory of that conversation from so long ago, as it did on Reid’s.

“I want _you_ , Luke--I love _you_ ,” Reid promised, now serious. “But I also know that what happened today had a lot to do with what’s been happening with us, how much I’ve been neglecting you and our relationship.”

Luke was about to protest that he'd had a hand in this mess too but Reid put a finger to his mouth, urging him to listen before gripping both his hands in his. “I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, and if you agree with me it’ll happen, but--I’m thinking about splitting my duties with Chris. It's been a long enough since he got his new heart and it’s about time he started paying me back for that dangerous drive I made to get it.”

“Reid, no--you don’t have to--”

“I do have to, I do--work is no longer my priority, _you are_. And I can’t see us going through this again further down the line so I’m cutting the stress out where I can. I can still be in charge as Co-Chief of Staff but I’ll also be able to get home at a better time to be with you.”

Luke couldn’t believe the lengths Reid wanted to go to, to make their relationship work. “You can’t sacrifice things like this for me.”

Reid tightened his grip on Luke's hands but not before pressing a kiss to his knuckles. “Who said I am? What if I wanted to stop feeling so stressed out? These past couple of months have almost killed me, but having you to come home was the only thing keeping me going. I'd do anything for you. You know I'm not afraid of hard work but, I don’t want to live my life like that now.”

“Neither do I,” Luke admitted. If Reid was as stubborn as he knew he was, he wasn't going to back down from his decision. However it was true enough, living the way they had been over the past couple of months had done them no good. Their life needed a balance that didn't include late nights, seven day work weeks and taking on family problems. He was more than happy to make some sacrifices, too.

Reid smiled wide, happy with his answer and reached out to hold Luke’s face between his hands, reverently. “Can you now believe that I’m never going to leave you? As cheesy as this sounds, we make each other better, Luke. But--I do want just one promise from you.”

“What’s that?”

Reid grinned, the warmth in his eyes making Luke glow from the inside out. “Promise me that you’ll use that damn mouth of yours to talk to me about anything you want. No more running away. I don’t want a misunderstanding like this to ever happen between us ever again, and I’ll promise you that I won't listen to Katie anymore.”

Luke chuckled along with Reid, eyes closing in relief and happiness. “Yeah,” he croaked out, voice hoarse. “I promise, I'll be better for you, for us.”

Reid wiped away the few stray tears that had rolled down Luke's cheeks without him realising and looked at him fondly. “And we’re going to have to work on your self-esteem issues. Jesus Christ, how many times have I told you that your lips are perfect for sucking my cock? You would think that that’s a big confidence booster.”

The loud laugh that slipped past Luke’s lips was swallowed swiftly by a kiss, Reid’s mouth slotting against his perfectly as they kissed slow, sweet and deep, each of them pouring every ounce of love they felt for each other into it. But Luke hadn’t had enough and dragged Reid closer so he could embrace him tight, breaking the kiss and burying his head into the crook of Reid’s neck to breathe in his familiar scent and warmth, resisting the urge to break out into a sob.

He pressed a light kiss to the side of Reid’s neck, “I love you, so, so much and I’m so sorry,” he whispered. Reid’s hold on him tightened and he felt an answering kiss being pressed to the side of his head and a hand soothingly smoothing over his back. How did he ever think the worst when deep down he knew how much love they had for each other? Every relationship had their bad times, he knew that, but if it hurt this much every time, Luke hoped that he never felt this again.

And he had a funny feeling that he never would.

Luke finally let him go, holding onto Reid’s hands for comfort. “I’m sorry,” he told him, again.

“It’s okay,” Reid reassured him, dropping a lingering kiss to his forehead. “I’m just glad I didn’t have to call the incompetent Oakdale PD--I would’ve gone out looking for you if you hadn’t come back in the next hour.”

“Oh God,” Luke winced as another thought came to mind. “You haven’t told my family, have you?”

Reid shook his head. “Just Katie--speaking of her, I really should tell her you’re back.”

Luke agreed. “You should, I don’t want her to worry anymore.”

Reid grabbed his phone off of the coffee table and called her quick, promising her that Luke really was back home but didn’t want to talk or explain any further. Luke wordlessly thanked him before slipping his jacket off, slinging it over the back of the couch, and cuddled up to Reid who was quick to wrap an arm around him. He wanted to be as close to him as he could be, but his eyes started feeling heavy with slumber moments later and Luke knew it wouldn't be long before he succumbed to it. All the tension and anxiety from earlier had bled out of him now leaving his body limp and utterly boneless.

Luke didn’t realise when Reid was done with the call until he felt a hand tugging on his arm.

“Come on, let’s go to bed.”

It was too early to even contemplate bed but Luke could feel his body calling for it. He let Reid guide him to their room, eyes struggling to stay open. Reid carefully sat him down on the bed and helped him change out of his clothes, Luke helping him along albeit sleepily, urging Reid wordlessly to do the same and he did, stripping off his t-shirt and sweatpants to get into bed with him.

"Have you eaten? Do you want me to make you anything?" Reid asked, hesitating to lie down with him just yet, kneeling on the bed next to him.

"No, no--don't want anything." But guilt overwhelmed Luke again, his brows furrowing in concern, "What about you? Did you eat?" Knowing Reid, he wouldn't have even thought about feeding himself in his worry.

"Always with the food, sheesh. Someone would think you loved food more than me," Reid said with a wink as Luke sleepily swatted at his chest. "I do right now," he replied, "'cause you suck."

Reid laughed softly and leaned down to kiss Luke's cheek. "I want you to sleep first--I'll eat later, you know I can't sleep well on an empty stomach."

Luke huffed a laugh knowing all too well that there was a pizza delivery in the very near future. He dragged him down into the bed by his hand, throwing the covers over them both. Like magnets they gravitated towards each other, legs tangling as Luke found his place on Reid’s chest, finding his home.

“Where did you drive to?” Reid asked softly, breaking the comfortable silence they'd fallen into as he carded his fingers carefully through Luke's hair.

“To Nashville and back,” Luke yawned, tucking his head under Reid’s chin, relishing in Reid's touch. “I didn’t sleep.”

“Idiot." Reid took a hold of Luke’s hand that was resting on his chest and pressed a kiss to their tangled fingers. “I think we need to find some time for ourselves so we can enjoy being in each other's company again. Where do you want to go?”

Luke smiled into Reid's skin, knowing the reaction he'd get no matter how true his words. “Anywhere where you wanna go.”

“Sap.”

Luke laughed into his chest this time, wrapping himself around Reid to get even closer. "Encinitas sounds good to me though," he added softly, the idea of a holiday home of their own sounding more appealing by the minute despite the utterly ridiculous way he'd found out about it.

Another kiss to his forehead had Luke finally relax even further, his smile widening in response. "That sounds good to me, too. Only a couple more months and the house will be done, we'll go somewhere else before that though. I don't think I can wait that long to be alone with you."

"Neither can I," Luke said before snorting out another laugh. "Fucking Oakhell, huh? I bet you regret ever setting foot in this town."

"Never," came the answer without a beat, the rumble of his laugh vibrating through his chest making Luke grin. "The only thing I regret is not setting foot in this town sooner."

Luke caught the meaning behind his words, his heart fluttering happily beneath his ribcage. "I was even more of a mess back then--I don't think you would've fallen for me."

"And as much as it pains me to admit it, I wasn't exactly perfect either, Luke--but like I said, we make each other better. No matter how long it took us to find each other, we're here and we're together now. That has to count for something, right?"

There wasn't much more Luke could say to that, nothing more that could convince him of the magnitude of the love that the both of them shared. No, wait--there was one thing.

"I love you."

And the answer wasn't far too behind.

"I love you, too."

Things were good now, far from perfect, but better than before. They needed time to heal and recover and find themselves in each other again. However, there was one last thing he needed to be sure of before he let thoughts of time away with the man he loved find their way into his dreams.

“Are we okay?” he whispered the question, but still dreaded the answer.

“We will be,” Reid said with confidence that Luke could feel, tilting his head down to drop a lingering kiss to his forehead. “We will be.”

The enduring promise in his words was more than enough so that he could finally breathe and let go, more than enough to lull Luke into dreamland. A dream full of only wonderful, precious and beautiful things, a dream with Reid by his side forever and always.

A dream that wasn't much different from his reality.

Not at all.

 


End file.
